Abuse Of Power

Since I have had all this time for reflection and introspection it is been very interesting to see what has come to light. As the sifting in my life continues (and I am sure in yours as well) I have become more increasingly aware of how my body responds to fear, anxiety and things that are perceived as potential threats. Not that I did not notice it before, however I more increasingly aware as of late. As we have all recently seen more and more images of police brutality it reminds of the times where I felt the weight of the misuse of power. It is something I have regularly experienced. Over the years God has given the courage to stand up against the Abuse Of Power. With it came immense emotional upheaval, nevertheless the Holy Spirit was there to help navigate me through it.

I have never experienced police brutality. The fear of having a gun pulled out on you is something I can not even begin to comprehend. The truth is when my life was in jeopardy and my safety was at risk the police were there to protect me. I know for many they have had a different experience. I, however, have had other individuals abuse their power over me. They have put the full weight of their authority and power they were entrusted with up against me as a means to control, manipulate, intimidate, belittle and undermine me as a person. Needless to say those moments have left a lasting impression. So much so that if a situation presents itself even remotely similar I have a physiological response. Just the thought of it can make me feel ill. Brutality is not limited to the police department. For me it came from individuals who were not wearing a uniform or holding a badge. But, there was still an oath love, care, lead and guide, of which it was never fulfilled. The harm caused was just as painful.

Being placed in a position of authority is one thing God takes seriously. Eli sons were judged for how they abused their position and authority they were trusted with (1 Samuel 2:12:36). Eli, their father, was also judged because he failed to strong address and correct his sons behaviour. The power and authority given was abused. Both Hophni and Phinehas (Eli’s sons), and Eli paid the price for their abuse of power. I have learned to trust that God will deal with those you have abused their power. Although we live in a age where is no fear of the Lord God is not asleep. He sees and He knows all. People may live their lives as though a day of judgement is not coming, but when it comes there will be no where to run or hide. Everyone will have to give an account.

Sadly there will always be situations where power and authority is abused and misused. This is an unfortunate reality due to the sin nature, but God is the lifter of our heads. He is the lifter of oppression. Walking through seasons of healing after those experiences has afforded me such valuable lessons. The bible says the things we suffer is for our benefit. Jesus himself suffered. As I look back now although those experiences were immensely painful they taught me things I would not have learned otherwise. God can use your pain to produce wisdom, so when the time comes you can be trusted with power and authority. You will not lack compassion or humility, because ALL power and authority is borrowed. It is be stewarded like money. Using it as if it belongs to you is equally as dangerous as inflicting it on an undeserving person.

Thank you for joining the journey 

Know you are loved,

Little Rose

Racism And Healing

A while back I had wanted to take this online vocal course, but due to timing and finances I was not able to.  Recently the opportunity came around again and with me stuck in quarantine I figured “why not?” The course is ran by a well-known vocal coach by the name of Stevie Mackey. He has worked with well-known people such as Whitney Houston, Jennifer Lopez, JoJo, Selena Gomez, Luther Vandross, and so many more. I picked this course specifically because of the techniques he uses; his approach to vocal training really appealed to me. I have to say it has been a much needed distraction considering the current climate in our world, mainly North America (States side). The public murder of George Floyd and fatal shooting of Abmaud Arbery have exposed and laid bare a deep wound which has been festering for quite some time. The issue of Racism and Inequality.

Being raised in Canada my experience with race was bit different. Growing up I never felt different or bad for being black. I do not even know race was an issue until one day a boy from school called me a “nigger.” I was in seventh or eight grade at the time. I had not heard the word before. We had recently moved to the Region of Peel where the population was predominantly European ie. Italian, Portuguese and Polish. There was not a lot of black people around, but that did not concern me. My life up until that point was always surrounded with people from different racial backgrounds. I was used to having close relationships with people who were not black. Looking back now it was no wonder why I did not see race as a problem. The truth was I had bigger fish to try. 

Growing up I experienced a lot of abuse. I was beaten regularly, verbally abused daily, neglected and lived in constant fear for my safety. I was fighting to survive. After becoming aware of race and racial issues it did not make the list of priorities for me. Life kept moving along. With so much of my life being controlled, from what was happening at home to eventually being placed into foster care, my main focus was survival. 

As an outsider looking in I can not begin to imagine living in the United States and the racial injustice black people have suffered there (or anywhere else for that matter). However I do understand pain. Pain is something we all can understand and related to. Whether it is from racism or in my case abuse enduring that kind of treatment can permeate you to your core. But there is good news! The pain you experienced does not have to leave you crippled, feeling embittered or alone. Jesus can and is able to heal you everywhere you have suffered pain. The bible says “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18 NIV). Another verse says “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3 NIV). Healing is available to those who come to Jesus Christ.

Between the pandemic, self-isolation and job loss the death of George Floyd was just another thing to have to mentally and emotionally process. It is only natural it would bring to the surface past experiences and unresolved pain. Take this as an opportunity. Bring it to God. Receive healing and walk in freedom. Do not let what was done to you hold you back from moving forward. I can not promise you will feel better overnight, but I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt healing WILL come as you walk it out one day at a time.

Thank you for joining the journey 

Know you are loved,

Little Rose

Truth In The Inward Parts

Have you had one of those weeks where your emotions were all over the place? When you had to pray more fervently just to get clarity? I have had to linger a bit longer at the feet of Jesus this week. There were a fews situations which caught me off guard and that left me deeply unsettled. Although I know, somehow, it will work itself out it has unearthed something within. Needless to say I have written and re-written this blog several times. I grapple through what I feel verses what should be penned out for the others to read. So I am giving you a heads up! What I am about to share may be a little raw, but I know this time of self-isolation God desires to address the deeper issues which concerns us. He is looking for Truth In The Inward Parts.

I recently had to acknowledge my need for external approval and how shaken I become when I am on the receiving end of someone’s disapproval. We all want to be liked and accepted. It is an natural desire, one I believe God has given us. However if the foundation of who you are is not rooted in the Word of God and what it says about you, you can find yourself standing on shaky ground. In times past I have found myself in many situations where I was taken advantage of and endured abuse simply because I did not have the courage to stand up for myself. I was crippled by the fear of potential outbursts, public humiliation, being physically attacked or left alone with no one to rely on. You would be surprised how many subject themselves to horrific treatment simply because they fear public humiliation or being left alone. They fear the shame of being the topic of peoples conversations.

As I continue to live most of my life in doors I am becoming more increasingly aware of how our thought lives affect the quality of our daily lives. This can obviously be challenging when we are presented with problems which brush against sensitive areas or where we already have had unpleasant past experiences. As I watched service online (www.hwc.org) I am reminded how our thoughts influence our emotions, therefore impacting our decisions. This is a time, as I have said before, to take stock of one’s own inner condition. To go before God and co-operate with the Holy Spirit. It is time to CLEAN HOUSE; our spiritual house. 

I cry out to God. I desperately need Him! There is no future without Him in it. I need Him to change me. Every area, past or present, must be transformed. With a global pandemic and heighten racial tension lean closer to your Maker. Filter all your thoughts and emotions through Him.

No clear cut answers end, just sharing what is on my heart……

Thank you for joining the journey 

Know you are loved,

Little Rose